life mismanagement 101..i

skip through life smiling though feeling half hearted, occasionally bending down to pick up whatever real or imagined impediment i find along the way. there are times however, when i stumble, falling on reality.
the reality is that, at 56, i am exactly where i was at 35...except with cellulite and wrinkles as souvenirs. dead end job scenario, but at this age with much less reserve to handle the stress and frustration, magnified by the no way out situation i am in.
at this stage of life, feeling crappy is much more intense and greater in frequency than in the 30s and 40s. not being able to stay home when feeling ill is just a cruel reminder of the rampant mismanagement which characterizes my tenure so far on this sometimes disagreeable planet.
i long to have the option to retire, knowing that i would only be able to stay home and "do nothing" for a short while...it is all about options, choices, not being forced...freedom from being trapped in this assembly line like lift style...same #$@# every day......