learnt

 a year ago i was admitted to the hospital for a serious, life threatening heart infection.  seven days later, doctors performed open heart surgery...11 days later i went home.

for a year or so before,  i was very run down. i attributed this decline in my physical condition to overall mental malaise, old age and already diagnosed lung disease. after echocardiogram, our cardiologist sent me to the emergency room, where the aforementioned happened. 

during the hospital stay i was pumped with life saving drugs and life saving  support from the man i love, and who loves me.

each day at the hospital,  i would look around the room, listen to the sounds, watch the people, look out the window.  each moment seemed forever and those forevers seemed a lifetime...i clung to them all as i floated in the sea of unknown. the barrage of medical tests, pokes prods, nebulizers confirmed i was still here. even the bad food was life affirmating/

when the day of surgery arrived, as i was wheeled down cold halls and cramped  elevators, i gulped down all these sensations, eager to digest every part of what life i did or did not have remaining.  when i met the bevy of medical personnel who were involved in the procedure, i cracked jokes. i figured, keep the reaper laughing and he'll forget to take me.

slowly i began to sort of emerge from the fog of anaesthesia and reality began to rear its head..  i was sent home, scared but eager to return to those who i loved, that which i liked to do, and some semblance of normal life.  

my husband gave  me daily infusions of antibiotics for almost 7 weeks.  our lives revolved around visiting medical personnel, and going to visit medical personnel.  things ran smoothly and we kept on going.

it was spring, the sun was shining. actually it had never shone so clear and bright. it was as if i had experienced the sun for the first time.  and it was beautiful.

in fact, almost everything was. my  scar...not so much but it was a proud remunder of the gift of survival. 

even our apartment glowed.

to put into words how it felt....to be alive after being so close to not being so.  to the joy of still breathing even though my breathing apparati did not wish to necessarily cooperate.  to explain how warm, bright and inviting our home felt as my husband unlocked the door and we walked in on that first day....

to our first breakfast...we three sitting at the table...these things were more precious than mere verbiage could possible express. very carefully i returned to my yoga, after doctors permission of course. that too was a long road...filled with not bumps as much as detours...

gratitude far to simple a word yet the perfect summation

a fall in december of this year resulting in traumatic brain injury and frontal lobe brain bleed...

brain 1..fall 0!!!

the road continues...

this picture conveys how we made it.

humor and above all, a serious dose of silly

thank you for reading