Monday, December 1, 2008

the heeling

this surgery, and the healing process , have really thrown me. i feel completely deflated, as if my once half -billowing sails were flapping aimlessly against all sorts of wind. this wind could be nothing more than getting up to answer a phone call. no gale force is needed to knock me out of balance.

my entire body seems to be adjusting to the empty space that the baseball sized tumor and the other removed parts once occupied. the incision pulls inwardly and outwardly, with every breath,movement, digestive rumble.

my usual insomnia only compounds the overwhelming exhaustion. the only good thing is that since i am home, not at work, i can nap.

the worst part of this whole scenario is being THAT aware of my body. no longer is it just the vessel that houses my essence, that i take with me every day, live with and not think about. it is constantly reminding me of its discomforts, frailties, its limits and the limits it puts on my intangible self

1 comment:

Hye Lady said...

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling and I pray you get better very soon


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greetings! i have managed to incorporate my eternal woodstock nation spirit with the high tech 21st century world. i am an artist/writer, who dabbles in rhyme, and, sometimes, reason. my passions are my husband, who is truly the wind that ruffles my sails, animals rights, yoga...waking up in the morning. i find inspiration in too many things to list, and far too many more to remember. sketching, watercolor painting,poetry and photography are my ways of expressing joy and gratitude. from living with a chronic illness, i have learned the beauty of each day, and treat each as another sun salutation, and another chance.