my mother

last night, i went to see my family,  we had plenty of laughs, however these were overshadowed by sadness and uncertainty....my mom has to have knee replacement surgery and to add to the mix, has lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, which makes the already complex even more so.....she was so upset that, as the surgery is november 15, this will be the first year there will be no thanksgiving......she was so vulnerable that it just about broke my heart....she was so frightened and in need of hugs, which i readily gave her....what makes this even more touching, is that she, like me, is very sensitive and will not reach out, out of fear of rejection...but she was so vulnerable that this fear was overpowered by the need to feel loved, and accepted, for who she is and the predicament she is in.....it has been virtually impossible to shake the image of seeing this dimunitive woman rendered even more diminutive by her fear and trepidation