mon reve perdu

i dreamed of a holiday

much different than this

a time filled with love

and an endless kiss

instead it is rainy

cold and so blue

why is it that my

dreams never come true

if there are any stars listening

please try to hear

and fulfull my wishes

for the coming year

only tears remain

where eyes once were

only tears remain

where once i could see

there is only pain

i can no longer hide

inside a song

every moment

seems too long

endless streams endless teeming

no more laughter

no daydreaming

burning droplets

sear my face

where once a smile

took their place

 

 

another night i toss and turn

thoughts and feelings in me churn

why does everything turn out wrong

and i sing a sad love song

will anything ever turn out right

will i sleep a warm goodnight

wrapped in love and warmth and truth

alive again like in my youth

sometimes

sometimes the anger subsides

i feel the pain

knowing ill never

see him again

knowing how i miss the touch

that i used to love so much

 

grow

even though i did something right

this does not mean my

heart feels light

even the sound choices

that we make

can hurt as much as

a mistake

but from this hurt comes

the chance to grow

to move forward

to let pain go

to make room perhaps

for something good

oh how i wish it would

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the little girl sits

breaking apart

feeling the pain

overtaking

her heart

 

looking

looking at the lovers

who were in my life

to some i was a thrill

to one i was a wife

to one an acquisition

from a culture unknown

another fancy object

that he had to own

to another a means

to enable his dissipation

oblivious to my consternation

to another a pretty toy

only around to bring him joy

one whos heart id broken

years ago at the end

now feels he is lucky

to consider me a friend

but did any really love me

this i truly doubt

you cannot love somebody

if you do not care

what they're about

if they are only in your life

to round your edges out

loving a person is feeling the need

to build a life to plant a seed

to watch the feelings grow and sprout

to hold each other

inside and out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

creases

sorting out the pieces

a life in folds and creases

everything surreal

noone knows how i feel

but do i

i wonder why

it all comes down to this

where did i err where did i fall

somewhere theres peace

maybe not at all

for me its running from the fear

of feeling like the only one here

little vignettes

empty scenes

is this all my life

really means

m t 2

here i sit

alone at home

listening to music

writing this poem

wondering why

after all these years

there is not love

just lonely tears

what about me

cannot be loved

i wonder as i write

this chilly night

why has it eluded me

i who have so much

capacity

to love and be loved in return

and yet denied this

my eyes still burn

from tears shed by an

aching heart

yearning for its

matching part

will i

ever know the joy of being  truly loved

cherished and thought the world of

ever know how it feels to be safe and secure

not lost, wavering, so unsure

ever be at the center of someones heart

the vital, living, beating part

ever put a smile on someones face

all their sadness to erase

clone

look left look right

dont say a word

dont be yourself

is what the child heard

we have everything

planned for you

you have no choice

this you will do

no dolce vita

here i sit

looking at my life

so filled with pain

and riddled with strife

i tell myself

it wont always be this way

yet this is the way

it seems to stay

looking for the rainbow

that will shine for me

bathe me in its colors

and set me free

to live in a world

that is pure and bold

that loves and welcomes

 a heart of gold

missing

holidays here

missing some old friends

why did their lives

have to end

i cared for you

i made you strong

now its so hard

just to get along

i owe it to you

to persevere

wishing so

that you were near