not yet

as the haze i drank begins to fade

and i lose my liquid shade

pains flows again

in copious strength

stretching me by

its very length

enough i say ive had of it

but part of me says

no dont quit

that i have some value

i have some worth

that there is some goodness

on this earth

 

 

 

 

the lure part 2

i am impervious...

nope, cant get in

i feel no pain, no chagrin

can almost forget my lifes a sham

that nobody knows who i am

feel no disappointment, cant be let down

almost doesnt matter if noones around

my liquid walls give me insulation

cannot feel a bad sensation

tonight i run as far as i can

to get away from who i am

 

the lure

the lure of the bottle is strong

for one in such pain for so long

to feel no sorrow, loss or shame

not like a loser in lifes game

the past few days have been challenging my sobriety....wishing to dive into the comforting and murky waters of alcohol has been overpowering....knowing that if i have a drink, it wont matter whether or not the phone rings, nor if it is not a person i wish called, and never is......knowing i could just lie on my couch blissfully listening to music, not interupted by the aching sounds of my heart and the tortuous twists of my mind....but i have not surrendered to this weakness....i have stayed with this misery until sleep overtakes me and awakened, again, in the same state...sans hangover.....another day summons me...and i start again.................to be continued

she more + 1

like an old beatles album

dust covered on a shelf

here i sit

all by myself

feeling that feeling

starting to slip

back into sadness'

deadly grip

tired from fighting

no spark igniting

 

in the sun

yesterday as i felt the sun

showering my face

with its warmth and glow

the chasm that once was my heart

felt like it was pulled apart

aching for that special embrace

and yearning for a secret place

though busy i was and in good company

i could not forget what was and

again would probably never be

the sadness covered me as i slept

and blanketed my soul

as i wept

 

she more

this is the time to be asleep

but me i sit and churn

mixed emotions inside me creep

and lessons i have to learn

decisions  to make

not another mistake

which way to go

i do not know

wish i had a ball

crystal and clear

so i could see

both far and near

but i will not mull

nor stay stuck in a groove

the light has changed

and i will move

 

 

still

do not lay quiet, still and low

and wait for things to be

life is not a spectator sport

you must play to be happy

do not give up

as when you finally awake

you will realize you made

a big mistake

time does not negotiate

start to live

before it is too late