prep

i sit, and sit, and sit. tomorrow is my colonoscopy. today is the day of the oh so joyful prep. i went to work until noon then headed home, empty of stomach, tired of all that "i am sick and it is annoying me" stuff. i have commenced drinking this vile concoction. now i wait for it to work its magic.

illness, its diagnosis, treatment, and how crappy the aforementioneds make you feel has a tendency to be quite all consuming. to avoid, or at least try to, avoid that pitfall, i strive to keep my normal routines...work, exercise, food and drink(well, not today) this white rabbit style ofbusyness sort of deflects the constant barbs of anxiety flung at me, by me.., my body.

how different my life has become, is still becoming. here i sit, focusing on every hopefully productive intestinal cramp. i am too congnizant of the body that contains me, and what is happening to it. it is no longer just skin encasing some mysterious working parts. it is not something that will never fail me, it is not a given, it is not infallible. it is not forever.