i recently stood at a crossroads both worn and unfamiliar. i made a spur of the moment(albeit long simmering) decision to express my discontent toward someone who's behavior has been insidious and hurtful. her reaction was one of hurt, her response, defensive. a few minutes later, i approached her and apologized.
this juxtaposition of maintaining my integrity, ergo to earn the respect for others, versus keeping quiet, in order to avoid conflict and disapproval, has tormented me my entire life. i spent years taking all types of emotional abuse and nonsense...which has taken an enormous chunk out of an already moth-eaten self esteem.
each time i take this necessary step, i do not get more acclimated to the process, but it has become much easier in its execution.
the fallout remains to be experienced
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