s

i dont like being sober

the bad feelings bowl me over

i much prefer the buffer

the illusion of being tougher

as time eludes me still

a bottle or a pill?

the fantasies that some create

to cover up how they relegate

each person to a niche they made

however badly they were played

and when regrets to the surface trickle

in contrition they are quite fickle

guilt combined with self remorse

guides them on their futile course

 

some people just talk and cannot do

they hide behind words that they construe

 

at this stage there is no shade

from the glare of  mistakes

that we have made

words unspoken

hard glares given

innuendo

anger driven

what was said

cannot be

retracted

sobering reflections

on her heart impacted

sleepless staring

at the ceiling

inner torments

keep her reeling

 

 

 

 

a while ago you made your choice

and now you're sending me your voice

under false pretenses we connected

old pains will not be resurrected

the eyes she sees when she looks at herself

have changed so much given inner wealth

with this love he gives her she has grown

and found a self shes never known

 

she cannot sleep

she watches him

the room is warm

the light is dim

 

 

as she sleeps he watches gently

with each breath so eloquently

if she is still or if she stirs

afraid to touch

lest she demurs

 

 

 

i sit in anticipation, trying to either desparetely squelch this anxiety or turn it tone into hope.  frightened, exhilarated....not knowing whether to stay with the positive groove,or shift into a mood more condusive to accepting disappointment.

 

this deep dark hole in which i sink

so saddened i just sit and think

with lips so heavy mouth not speaking

heart so burdened pain is leaking

lost in this deep abyss

will there be an end to this?

the tired, sluggish

headachy feel

is giving me its

old raw deal

i do not know

from whence it comes

only that it makes me glum

lopsided notions

not cured by potions

not even by the

precious ocean

time itself will wear this out

so until then

ill sit and pout

he holds her close

she holds his heart

both so together 

from the start

and where theyve

been

all theyve been through

they found each other

each day feels new

 

 

she walks so fast

eyes downcast

eyes so heavy

tossed by the past

street is trembling

beneath her feet

drizzle falling

feels like sleet

 

sun is warming all around

trying not to run aground

joy and hope

my brand new friends

hope this feeling

never ends

smiling, laughing

in joy i swim

may his light

never go dim

 

a tense disquiet covers me

it blinds, corrupting all i see

this inner churning restless bent

excess energy so misspent

i cannot curb nor run from this

no escape to silence, no numbing bliss

 

she found herself inside a hole

it was so dark, so very cold 

surrounded by voices

people talking

her isolation, sealed with caulking

she tried to clutch onto the sides

pull herself up

but she started to slide

and the next morning

when she awoke

her heart was parched

she started to choke

she was no longer within that abyss

but it brushed past her cheek

with an ominous kiss

he tries so hard to find a way

to make her feel secure each day

with his thoughts, his every action

the joy he gives, his satisfaction

his heart the place she can call home

so for this man, she writes this poem

 

he holds the little girl at night

to keep her calm

to quell her fright

and even if she cannot sleep

he holds her in his love so deep

another poem re: lifes short jaunts

angry words, those

endless taunts

old expressions from

inner  haunts

hunger ceaseless

unstated wants

the sun all around me

i am covered with rain

churning inside me

all this endless pain

no respite no sleeping

too tired for weeping

the sand on the beach

my only friend

grainy and true

until the end

the ocean is lapping

the beach with its wave

riptide internal

will noone save

either i am clowning

or  else i am drowning

i sit at this table

thinking aloud

many things so ashamed of

very few i am proud

wondering why

no answer is heard

hanging onto

each deceptive word

begging the future to tell me

whats coning

while in every way

my mind i keep numbing

all the while crying for joy

and sweet mirth

is there such as this

upon this dark earth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nothing either one of us can say

to make these feelings go away

hurt, disheartened

disappointed

lives chaotic

lives disjointed

 in pantheon of  pain

annointed

i live in a world

surrounded by cars

old and new lovers

wannabe stars

what lies ahead

has it been scripted?

i look for the answer

it is encrypted

here i sit at the edge of a drain

too tired to buckle under the strain

although my life seems pallid and plain

it is what i chose so why complain

unless i change, seek what i desire

i am the keeper of my own mire

and in this muck i will always swim

until the lights grow very dim

so i must decide

to grow or to hide

 

 

 

the spring arrives

more warmth less cold

as time has passed

i feel so old

even with warm weathers transition

i still sense my shaky position

on ground soft and yielding 

hurts it may be wielding

all the time thinking

denying the sinking

i am lost in a world

i cant call my own

my heart is so heavy

i feel so alone

noone wants to bother

noone cares to listen

i look out the window

at all i am missing

all that has happened

and perhaps that which will

i sit here in silence

distraught and quite still

a soul divided

a soul complete

respite from tears

a welcome treat

but dare to combat

lifes deceipt

now that is quite an

agile feat.

 

another entry came and went

sitting here is time well spent?

on my neuroses

cant make a dent

 

on the surface

smiles and glee

underneath

such troubles be

moving  forward

in name only

feeling tired

 inner lonely

going through the motions

drowning in dark lotions

 

another night

no sleep in sight

standing still

my inner swill

afraid to move

afraid to stay

hope i dont waste

another day

cannot sleep

although i tried

troubles deep

disrupt my stride

anxiety crawling

for peace i am

trawling

lost in tomorrow

stuck in today

too filled with worry

to frolic and play

i sit here wrapped

 in reverie

wondering what

and when will be

eagerly waiting

breathless tossed

warm although

the winter's frost

feelings strange

feelings new

trying to lose

my old world view

not to corrupt nor to stain

feelings good, with former pain

 

another year has come and gone

so many things to think upon

as this one starts

who is to blame

if it turns out...

more of the same

the trick to stop

no more to wallow

find  your wish

this wish to follow

change can come by revolution

but mostly comes by

evolution

make the change

life rearrange