here i sit at the edge of a drain

too tired to buckle under the strain

although my life seems pallid and plain

it is what i chose so why complain

unless i change, seek what i desire

i am the keeper of my own mire

and in this muck i will always swim

until the lights grow very dim

so i must decide

to grow or to hide

 

 

 

the spring arrives

more warmth less cold

as time has passed

i feel so old

even with warm weathers transition

i still sense my shaky position

on ground soft and yielding 

hurts it may be wielding

all the time thinking

denying the sinking

i am lost in a world

i cant call my own

my heart is so heavy

i feel so alone

noone wants to bother

noone cares to listen

i look out the window

at all i am missing

all that has happened

and perhaps that which will

i sit here in silence

distraught and quite still

a soul divided

a soul complete

respite from tears

a welcome treat

but dare to combat

lifes deceipt

now that is quite an

agile feat.

 

another entry came and went

sitting here is time well spent?

on my neuroses

cant make a dent

 

on the surface

smiles and glee

underneath

such troubles be

moving  forward

in name only

feeling tired

 inner lonely

going through the motions

drowning in dark lotions