another night with eyes pried open

cannot sleep but still am hoping

mind is chasing its own tail

wish exhaustion would prevail

time has passed, yes that is true

but i find myself still missing you

hoping you dont buckle under your strain

wishing i could help you heal your pain

knowing too well how we could have grown

strong as one, never alone

 

the little girl

the little girl stood by the lake. its waters looked so warm, inviting. she lingered for a while, staring at her reflection. in the eyes of the lake, she was beautiful. she could see this and basked in its glow.  she approached the waters edge, cautiously allowing her toes to receive its caress. she was overcome by the desire to go in deeper, but held back, afraid she would lose herself.

as im going through my life

all the steps im taking

there's a smile on my face

but my heart is breaking

to whom: dismay, concern

be the best you can be, do the best that you can. you will emerge self-empowered.  reach for that inner strength, whose existence you have denied for so long.  it is there, waiting for you. 

when the smoke finally clears, and the ashes cool, you will stand strong and whole. the world within you will open the world without...you will be able to accept love, that which you feel, that which is felt for you.

your struggle is a journey. you can chose your final destination. chose wisely, with your head and heart. if you stumble along the way, get up, dust off the dirt and move on.

the rainbow lies ahead....

sominnia

another night i cannot sleep

inner torments inside me leap

mind is racing circles round

cant pick myself up

off the ground

eyes are closing

im not dozing

 

slipping

clouds are forming over my sodden mind

no reason to look forward

cannot run behind

voices asking questions

answers always sought

lessons sometimes learned

always pain, for naught

l'anne prochaine...mon anniversaire triste

these have been dark days indeed for me, as another year passes and i get one step closer to end times. another year older...wiser, wizened emotionally...this has not been a good year. it has been one filled with health issues and severe emotional pain...as well as a visit to an old habit, which i have managed to get under control.....tough little lady i be.

the next year....quien sabe?  would like a respite from heartbreak and a foray into genuine happiness...perhaps that is asking too much, but to the dieties that be...this i ask.

fell down a dark tunnel....scratched the walls,ascended until my fingers bled...found a small opening, light shining in...followed the beam until i crawled upon land...still looking around, not sure if i want to stay here...

happy birthday to me...the choir not responding, no other voices heard...the candle hardly flickers, noone says a word

 

honor, decency, integrity and principles have been relegated to the back wall of human behaviors. those of us who dare to conduct our lives by these behaviors are sentenced to isolation, as they will either be exploited by others, or avoided. loved perhaps, but not embraced.

je n'ai pas aucun choix

sauf qu'essayer la vie

encore une fois

 

no hay un sitio para mi

no quiero vivir  mas aqui

the little girl

the little girls pain was so intense

she had lost her last line of defense

trying hard not to self debauch

drowning in this endless ouch

why stick around when there is  so much pain

a question she asks over and over again

 needing to find complete relief

from this never ending grief

would it be better to say goodbye

then live inside an endless cry?

i am a free spirit whose wings have been clipped by the reality of being alone

be real.  artifice will catch up with you and ensnare you within its walls