lost and tormented

her life she repented

nowhere to turn

so much to learn

drowning in sorrow

afraid of tomorrow

more of the same

herself to blame

 

the bird and the stone

the bird flew from its perch, feeling alone although he was not alone there....he flew over the place where he had nested when he was young, hovered closer and tentatively looked around....a familiar object caught his eye and he stealthily approached....he recognized its shape and the glow that emanated from it.....as he got nearer, he saw that the once nearly flawless surface was scratched but the incandesence he remembered was still there...he circled around it curiously, viewing it from every angle, then picked it up....he flew with it, tucked under his wing, to places he had been before, but bathing in the warmth the stone gave him, these places took on hues he had never seen before....he then returned it to where he had found it, and flew quickly back to his perch.....drawn again by the radiance, the bird once again gathered the stone and soared, over terrains once familiar yet not........

this continued for awhile until the bird found himself frightened and what was once dazzling to him became blinding.....the stone, sensing this withdrawal, hid under some tall, thick grass......

the bird flew as quickly as he could, back to the comfort he felt in the discomfort he had fled before......he had seen many stones before and toyed with them, taking none into his heart nor home....and this one was no different...

he had chosen to remain in his matte existence, cold and familiar......

 

 

her friend

her friend sits on the sideline

as he has for years

sometimes  holding her hand

as he dries her tears

cheering her on

when she learns to fight

proud that she knows

wrong from right

silently listening as she

pours out her heart

happy that he can be a part

 

 

 

 

she stood still

she stood still and pondered

how far she had wandered

how far she had to go

where to..she did not know

 

she walked even further

she walked even further

not looking behind

to lose memories that remind

her of what she had lost

the risks she had taken

and at their cost

she walked so slowly

she shuffled her feet as she walked so slowly

heart hanging down and feeling lowly

watching the dirt when she cleared her path

as it tried to flee from her feet and their wrath

every step a deliberation

a way to flee from her consternation

music playing songs in her head

her heart just following where they led

a simple thought, a reverie, a shattered hope

anything at all that she could grope

 

re: jection

due to her fear of feeling rejection

she became an expert at its detection

but when the rejection was perfidious

it then became insidious

and harder to pin down

yet it pinned her to the ground

struggling again to arise

this time with open eyes

she recognized its stealth

and dusted off herself

shaking her head in disbelief

while dealing with the grief

all the time she cried

while salvaging her pride

 

 

 

 

 

 

aghast

she stared aghast

at her present and her past

knowing her heart

would need a suture

so she could face

the future

veritas

the pain of truth is often intensified by a delay in accepting it

dial tone

he lived his life on the end of a phone

never really connecting

but afraid to be alone

video

i see my life as small vignettes

im still here not quite dead yet

moments fleeing passing by

some make me laugh most make me cry

 

trophies

he sat and reflected

on the trophies he collected

conquests he had made

women he had played

hearts broken along the way

mounted on his wall

nothing more to show in life

nothing else at all 

living fast taking no time to atone

the night sky fell

he was alone

 

 

 

 

no stars

the little girl sat eyes opened wide

aching from the pain inside

no more clenching her eyelids tight

wishing for love in the night

 

i have groan

my romantic life was an illusion

a side effect of self delusion

now i deal in veracity

a byproduct of sagacity

blotto grotto

the blotto grotto is a place

 where everybody  loves your face

the walls are warm and dark

a refuge from landscape stark

they cushion when you fall

there is no pain at all

the deeper that you go

the less of you  you know

the more you will forget

the less you will regret

 but trapped in this velvet tomb

for growth there is no room

 

 

 

 

 

 

the pathes we have taken

decision we're making

the words we have spoken

the hearts we have broken

when our heart is severed

from fruitless endeavors

is this all we feel

is this all thats real

 

noone

wish i was out in the snow with the one

walking, giggling having fun

instead i walk with a vacant space

noone to look into my eyes, touch my face

noones nose to brush off the snow

to share the winters radiant glow

off i trudge into the storm

noones arms to keep  me warm

snow's falling

she gazed wistfully as gleeful snowflakes frolicked past her window, oblivious and uncaring of their destination.....her room was toasty warm and she made herself as small, and cozy as she could.....she peered through the blinds at the winter landscape, inviting in its visage and forbidding in its implications.....she nestled in her flannel sheets and gazed sadly at the empty half of her bed.....a night like this was tailor made for two, together, reaching inside to their child within and marveling at this dance of nature......entwined and encased in each other and the joyous quality a night like this could bring, if only it was shared with another, the other.....

 

netherworldz

i have reached that region

where my own issues are legion

why the brass ring has me eluded

no i dont live self deluded

why i bother to exist

(which sometimes gets me pissed)

where all my kindness and empathy

has only brought hurt and misery

i float through days like empty sacs

waiting to get their contents back

unaware and unevolved

every day no problems solved

 

liquid alchemy

as i sit right in front of me

i see myself and what i be

yearning for liquid alchemy

to make me numb to make me free

without it i just feel same pain

over and over and over again

but with a sip of magic drink

theres nothing there dont have to think

muddled aching lost and trembling

nothing in my life resembling

what i want and what i need

wounded crying afraid to bleed

with this misery ill stay

at least for the rest of

today

the profundity of silence

she lay still, as the sultry silence of night engulfed her.....a swirling eddy of darkness surrounded her and she allowed herself to be swallowed up in its torrents.....the room resounded with echoes of quiet resonating from every corner, floor to ceiling...in the midst of all this bustling inactivity she slept, dreamless...

being human

being a human is what we are given

it is who we are and how we are driven

some things we are handed some are by choice

some cause us much anguish some are cause to rejoice

at times we may stumble at times we may soar

one day we are humble, another a bore

but each day is one and the only of its kind

the next may not be there(to myself i remind)

and with this we march forward into the unknown

we are in this together, so dont feel alone

not yet

as the haze i drank begins to fade

and i lose my liquid shade

pains flows again

in copious strength

stretching me by

its very length

enough i say ive had of it

but part of me says

no dont quit

that i have some value

i have some worth

that there is some goodness

on this earth

 

 

 

 

the lure part 2

i am impervious...

nope, cant get in

i feel no pain, no chagrin

can almost forget my lifes a sham

that nobody knows who i am

feel no disappointment, cant be let down

almost doesnt matter if noones around

my liquid walls give me insulation

cannot feel a bad sensation

tonight i run as far as i can

to get away from who i am

 

the lure

the lure of the bottle is strong

for one in such pain for so long

to feel no sorrow, loss or shame

not like a loser in lifes game

the past few days have been challenging my sobriety....wishing to dive into the comforting and murky waters of alcohol has been overpowering....knowing that if i have a drink, it wont matter whether or not the phone rings, nor if it is not a person i wish called, and never is......knowing i could just lie on my couch blissfully listening to music, not interupted by the aching sounds of my heart and the tortuous twists of my mind....but i have not surrendered to this weakness....i have stayed with this misery until sleep overtakes me and awakened, again, in the same state...sans hangover.....another day summons me...and i start again.................to be continued