she more + 1

like an old beatles album

dust covered on a shelf

here i sit

all by myself

feeling that feeling

starting to slip

back into sadness'

deadly grip

tired from fighting

no spark igniting

 

in the sun

yesterday as i felt the sun

showering my face

with its warmth and glow

the chasm that once was my heart

felt like it was pulled apart

aching for that special embrace

and yearning for a secret place

though busy i was and in good company

i could not forget what was and

again would probably never be

the sadness covered me as i slept

and blanketed my soul

as i wept

 

she more

this is the time to be asleep

but me i sit and churn

mixed emotions inside me creep

and lessons i have to learn

decisions  to make

not another mistake

which way to go

i do not know

wish i had a ball

crystal and clear

so i could see

both far and near

but i will not mull

nor stay stuck in a groove

the light has changed

and i will move

 

 

still

do not lay quiet, still and low

and wait for things to be

life is not a spectator sport

you must play to be happy

do not give up

as when you finally awake

you will realize you made

a big mistake

time does not negotiate

start to live

before it is too late

 

she III

she needs her life 

to have some clout

to be what someones

life's about

her heart cries at

the empty space

in the mirror

next to her face

she II

she ran right into

her liquid buffer

as she could no longer

stand to suffer

but as the early morning

began its reign

all her troubles

remained the same

she

she spends her days

in a busy haze

hoping her misery

is a phase

but the night is too long

she cannot be that strong

she runs from the pain

she feels all over again

seeking any form of relief

to stop her sadness

and grief

 

perdu 2

i heard your voice

all night i tossed

crying over

what we lost

i am all cried out

and battle weary

my heart has sunk

my eyes are bleary

i feel like i am reaching

the end of my tether

sometimes it is so hard

to hold it together

deleted

deleted some entries...so dark they even scared me.....will write again if i ever feel good again...from natural causes

i would like to thank robert, jan, joyce, jeff, ed ,wb and maryanne, herb, barb...for although i never articulated to you the full extent of my profound unhappiness, you sensed i was slipping off the rock, and gave me something to hold on to

?s

questions not answered

questions not asked

taking myself

and my life

to task

where it is going

where i have been

the pain of not knowing

what lies therein

going through motions

crying chagrin

seeking out potions

to quiet the din

fearing and yearning

tomorrow unknown

aching and growing

what seeds have i sown

looking forward through

eyes darkened by fear

sadness and heartache

noone real near

on a treadmill with motor broke

weighed so down

i start to choke

does it ever get better

or is it just this

as my eyes get wetter

and i start to list