my five

the little girl on the

curb she sat

spirit broken

her heart so flat

dont look at me

her silent cries

as she averted

people's

eyes

maybe

i still have the ability

to see the possibility

perhaps that something

good

could be where

sadness stood

island i

there was an island

in a moat

couldnt sink

couldnt float

did not know its left

from right

couldnt tell

the day from night

 

threshold

he stood at the door

which way to turn

back to the dark

or forward to learn

used to the night

with landscape so bleak

or go to the sun

whose warmth he did seek

 

cranky doodle

although im lean and lanky

today im feeling cranky

cant stand to be a grouch

wanna lose this ouch 

 

 

 

another walk on the beach

her feet travelled where they

stepped before

and each footprint

led to an open door

another walk on

a sunny beach

no clouds in sight

a magic night

constellation

the little girl sat, with consternation

staring at the

constellation

wondering, where, how far

was her shining star

to take her far from here

a land so full of fear

the years passed, she sat glum

the star it did not come

the sky was dark and gray

she could not get away

but one day there was a light

maybe she'd be alright

moving closer to the beam

as she approached her dream

 

 

a walk on the beach

strolling through the sand

my hand in someone's hand

the feeling life is grand

for just a moment or so

wishing that moment would

pass so slow...before

the time it had

to go

maturity

maturity...a word that implies many things...fine wine, good antiques, wrinkles, and lastly...adult behavior...it seems that, although we advance in a chronological sense, we do not seem to do so in our behaviors....i thought, as a child, that the callow,shallow behaviors of others would ameliorate as time passed, and they did to some extent, but not enough...i guess i should include myself amongst those who need to learn from experience....so be it...why do we struggle so with maturity, is it that we equate this with nearing our end? is it that people feel if they maintain their childlike notions, and behavior, that the grim reaper will someshow side step them?

 

end of the summer/3day weekend combo platter blues

its the end of the summer/3day weekend combo platter blues

soon will be trading in my tevas

for waterproof snow shoes

at 4 pm will be much darker

bye bye tank top

hello parka

 

bleeeeeccccccch

 

 

nothing ventured nothing pained

open a door

see what comes in

if it is nothing

deal with the chagrin

but keeping it closed

guarantees

nothing bad

but also

nothing to please

 

 

the chronic lack of sleep

well it is the witching hour once again and i am bleary eyed and bushy tailed, when i should be happily sawing some termite ridden logs.  i wonder if insomnia has fueled any top selling writers....or is recharging at night essential for the creative outlet experience...cant seem to pinpoint the cause for this several month long bout with insomnia....partly physical and mostly emotional, i suspect...stress has many guises and can manifest itself at any time.....it is hard to imagine that i used to sleep so well and soundly, that, many years ago, i slept through a fire in an apt building i lived in.......

my mother

last night, i went to see my family,  we had plenty of laughs, however these were overshadowed by sadness and uncertainty....my mom has to have knee replacement surgery and to add to the mix, has lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, which makes the already complex even more so.....she was so upset that, as the surgery is november 15, this will be the first year there will be no thanksgiving......she was so vulnerable that it just about broke my heart....she was so frightened and in need of hugs, which i readily gave her....what makes this even more touching, is that she, like me, is very sensitive and will not reach out, out of fear of rejection...but she was so vulnerable that this fear was overpowered by the need to feel loved, and accepted, for who she is and the predicament she is in.....it has been virtually impossible to shake the image of seeing this dimunitive woman rendered even more diminutive by her fear and trepidation

risk taking

today i am doing something i am uncertain about, however, against my usual pattern, i am doing it anyway...sending this blog to someone whose opinion of me matters...so it is with consternation that i send off these snippets of my heart